If you’ve seen that viral “Lost In Translation” article about ridiculous English T‑shirts around the world, you already know how absurd some printed messages can get. But here’s the twist: motorcyclists are quietly living a technical version of that same joke every day. Not on our shirts—on our gear labels, marketing claims, and half‑translated spec sheets.
One brand calls it “race‑level abrasion resistance,” another says “CE performance,” a third brags “military‑grade textile.” Underneath the marketing, the language is often just as mangled as those memes. And if you ride hard or tour far, bad translation between marketing English and real engineering can literally cost skin.
So let’s use this cultural moment—everyone laughing at mistranslated shirts—to do the serious version for moto equipment. Here are five technical checkpoints that cut through the noise and keep your kit from being the safety equivalent of a nonsense T‑shirt.
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CE Ratings: The “Grammar Rules” Of Your Riding Kit
The “Lost In Translation” T‑shirt problem is obvious: the sentence looks like English, but the structure is wrong. Moto gear has the same issue. “CE approved” gets slapped on everything, but without the full code, it’s just a fragment of a sentence.
Here’s how to read it like an engineer, not a victim of bad translation:
- **Jackets & Pants — EN 17092**
- **AAA** – highest abrasion/tear/seam performance. Usually track‑leaning or heavy touring gear.
- **AA** – strong real‑world road protection with more comfort/flexibility.
- **A** – urban/lightweight; better than casual clothes, but not serious slide armor.
- **Impact Protectors — EN 1621**
- **Level 2** transmits less force in a crash than Level 1. That’s not a suggestion; it’s a measured reduction in kN (kilonewtons) passing through to your body.
- **Boots — EN 13634**
Look for something like: `EN 17092-3:2020 AA` or `EN 17092-2:2020 AAA`.
Should read like: `EN 1621-1:2012 Level 2` (limbs) or `EN 1621-2:2014 Level 2` (back).
Codes often look like: `EN 13634:2017 2 2 2 2` with letters like IPA (Impact, Pressure, Abrasion).
Higher numbers mean tougher performance for impact, cut, and abrasion.
If the label just says “CE approved” with no standard number (EN 17092, EN 1621, EN 13634, etc.) and no level, that’s the gear equivalent of a T‑shirt that says: “Very Safety Happy Strong!” It might technically mean something, but it’s not a complete sentence in the language of protection.
Action move:
When you’re about to buy, zoom in on product pics or tags and hunt for the full code. No code, no confidence—no sale.
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Abrasion Fabrics: Cordura, Aramid, and the Myth of “Kevlar‑Lined”
Those “English T‑shirt fails” are funny because a single wrong word flips the meaning. Fabrics work the same way: change one word, change everything.
Marketing you’ll see right now on gear sites and social feeds:
- “Kevlar jeans”
- “Ballistic nylon”
- “Abrasion‑resistant denim”
What you need to decode:
- **Aramid vs. “Kevlar”**
Kevlar is a brand name (DuPont) for a type of aramid fiber. There are other aramids (e.g., Twaron). Some “Kevlar jeans” actually have:
- Aramid only in the seat and knees
- A very thin or low‑density weave
- Non‑aramid “look‑alike” fibers
Ask: is it full‑coverage aramid or just panels? What’s the weight (gsm) of the aramid layer (e.g., 250–350 gsm is common for serious moto jeans)?
**Cordura and Denier (D)**
- **500D Cordura** – a sweet spot: strong enough for serious road duty, flexible for touring. - **600D generic polyester** – often marketed as “high abrasion,” but not in the same league as real Cordura or heavier nylons. - **1000D+** – bulky but extremely robust; often used in high‑impact zones on ADV and track gear.
- **Single‑Layer vs. Lined Jeans**
- **Single‑layer**: high‑tech denim blends (cotton + aramid/PE fibers) woven together; lighter, cooler, often AA rated when done right.
- **Lined**: traditional outer denim plus a separate protective liner. Warmer, can be bulkier, but still effective when executed properly.
Action move:
Treat fabric claims like you treat meme captions: don’t trust the punchline without context. Look for:
- Fabric type (Cordura nylon, aramid, UHMWPE, etc.)
- Weight (e.g., 500D, 750D, gsm listed)
- CE garment rating (A/AA/AAA) that proves the whole system—not just a buzzword—was tested.
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Impact Armor: Foam, Air, and the Physics of Not Splitting Like a Bad Slogan
Those viral shirts break English because they ignore structure; most budget gear breaks impact protection because it ignores energy management. “Has pads” is not a spec—it’s a vague, mistranslated promise.
To evaluate armor like a pro:
**Material Matters**
- **Viscoelastic (e.g., D3O, SAS‑TEC, Seesmart, Betac)**: soft and flexible at rest, stiffen under impact, spread force over time and area. - **Cheap PU foam**: looks like armor, but compresses too fast, transmits more energy, and often doesn’t meet any standard.
**Coverage & Shaping**
- Full‑length elbow and knee armor that stays centered in your riding position is far more important than a fancy brand name. - Articulated or multi‑piece armor follows joint movement so it doesn’t rotate out of the impact zone when you actually need it.
**Back & Chest Upgrades**
Most jackets still ship with: - A foam back “pad” that does basically nothing. - No chest armor at all, despite chest impacts being common in road crashes.
A Level 2 back protector and proper chest inserts transform a casual jacket into actual crash tech, often for under $100 in upgrades.
**Airbag Systems**
Right now, brands like Alpinestars (Tech‑Air), Dainese (D‑air), In&motion (used by RST, Furygan, Klim) are pushing street and track airbags hard. - They massively improve protection for torso, spine, neck, and shoulders. - They require *maintenance*: firmware updates, occasional servicing, and correct fit.
Action move:
Before you hit “buy,” check:
- `EN 1621-1 Level 1/2` for shoulders, elbows, knees, hips.
- `EN 1621-2 Level 2` for back.
- If airbag: does it have a road‑specific algorithm? What is the service interval and subscription (if any)?
If the spec just says “includes armor,” imagine a T‑shirt that says: “Include Funny.” You’d scroll past. Do the same here.
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Climate Control: Venting, Membranes, and the Heatstroke Tax
Some of those broken‑English shirts slam random words together: “Wind Life Freedom Cool Hot.” That’s almost exactly how a lot of gear handles climate: everything at once, nothing well.
To spec climate like a rider, not a catalog:
**Three Distinct Layers, Not One Magic Unicorn**
- **Outer shell** – abrasion and tear resistance. - **Waterproof membrane** – Gore‑Tex, Drystar, H2Out, Hydratex, etc. - **Thermal layer** – insulation (removable if it’s worth a damn).
When everything is permanently laminated and non‑vented, you get a sauna with armor. Waterproof and windproof are the same thing, which is terrible in the heat.
**Ventilation That Actually Reaches Skin**
- Direct‑to‑body vents that bypass the waterproof liner move *real air* and dump sweat. - Pit zips, chest vents, exhaust vents on the back, and 3D mesh liners are what keep a jacket from becoming torture gear above 30°C (86°F).
- **Removable vs. Laminated Waterproofing**
- **Laminated** (e.g., Gore‑Tex Pro): outer fabric bonded to membrane. Excellent for constant wet conditions and touring; more expensive, somewhat stiffer, often hotter in warm climates.
- **Drop‑in liner**: cheaper, more flexible, but when it rains the outer shell soaks and gains weight. In hot/dry climates though, a removable liner plus big vents can be ideal.
**Hot‑Weather Mesh Pitfalls**
- Not all mesh is equal; cheap mesh can explode during a slide. - AA or AAA‑rated mesh jackets are starting to appear—this is where you want to be if you ride in real heat and still care about your hide.
Action move:
Buy for your dominant climate, not your fantasy trip. If it’s hot most of the year where you ride, prioritize:
- CE rating **and** direct‑to‑body vents for jackets/pants
- A separate rain shell over a heavily laminated “four‑season” oven you’ll end up hating.
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Fit, Ergonomics, and the Real‑World Crash Test: Can You Move or Not?
The funniest thing about those T‑shirt memes is how obvious the failure is—you can see it. Fit failures in moto gear are sneakier but just as bad. You won’t notice the problem until the one moment you can’t afford it.
To turn ergonomics into a performance spec:
**Riding Position, Not Standing‑in‑the‑Mirror Position**
Try gear on in a riding stance: - Sit on *something*, bend at hips and knees. - Check elbow and knee armor: is it still centered? Is it rotating off to the side? - Gloves: can you fully wrap a throttle tube, reach your levers, and make a tight fist without pressure hot spots?
**Pre‑Curved and Articulated Panels**
- Pre‑curved sleeves and knees reduce fatigue and keep armor locked in place at speed. - Accordion stretch above knees, elbows, and on the back/shoulders prevents the “straightjacket effect” when you tuck or lean forward.
**No‑Compromise Zones**
- Boots should lock your ankle side‑to‑side while still allowing you to flex forward for shifting and braking. - A good collar design seals without sawing at your Adam’s apple or leaving a funnel for rain.
**Layering Reality Check**
If you plan to use dedicated base layers or heated gear, try them *with* your outer shell before committing. A perfect fit that becomes restrictive once you add a thermal layer is useless.
**High‑Speed Stability**
Flappy textiles become parachutes at 120 km/h. Tighten adjustment straps and simulate a highway blast: - Does the jacket sail off your shoulders when you pull at the chest? - Can you cinch the waist and arms enough to keep armor from wandering?
Action move:
Treat fit like a dynamic system, not a size label. If you can’t comfortably:
- Look over your shoulder,
- Stand on the pegs,
- Tuck behind the screen,
then the gear fails—even if the tags sound perfect.
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Conclusion
We laugh at “Lost In Translation” shirts because they’re harmless—nobody gets road rash from a bad slogan. But motorcycle gear lost in translation between marketing and engineering? That’s a different game.
The fix is simple and powerful:
- Read **CE codes** like grammar rules.
- Treat fabric names as **materials science**, not fashion labels.
- Demand **real impact data**, not “includes pads.”
- Spec **climate control** for the world you actually ride in.
- Make **fit and mobility** as non‑negotiable as horsepower.
Do that, and your kit stops being a vague promise in broken safety‑speak and becomes what it should have been all along: a fluent, technically correct, crash‑tested sentence that your body can trust at 120 km/h.
Your memes can be nonsense. Your gear can’t.
Key Takeaway
The most important thing to remember from this article is that this information can change how you think about Gear & Equipment.
